insideoflight | TFLN + Overflow!

1. Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.

2. I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.

3. TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.

4. I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS

5. I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me

6. Text him!

1. I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.

2. He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love

3. I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.

4. Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?

5. Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?

6. Text him!

1. I love you. Go after that dick

2. We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn

3. Naked. Naked is my favorite color.

4. Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.

5. I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule

6. Text him!

1. can a guy just have shower sex with his boyfriend in peace without having to deal with aliens attacking?!?!

2. you told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar

3. we're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

4. sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. you've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.

5. just lying in bed drinking booze with a straw waiting for motivation. why?

6. Text him!

[original post here]

1. that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.

2. can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.

3. in other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going

4. I found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.

5. I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?

6. Text him!

:||||||||||||||||||

That's totally not the point.

[He smiles, giving him another squeeze. Shiro is nice to hug, thank you very much.]

1. not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk

2. his dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. it's the Elder Wand of penises

3. I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.

4. he was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step

5. far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there

6. Text him!

1. what I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic

2. I'll just say I told you so at your funeral

3. Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door

4. do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. he knows what he did.

5. you tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.

6. Text him!

1. you know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? don't listen to it.

2. he asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."

3. what did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?

4. you threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.

5. my autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.

6. Text him!

Edited 2017-05-06 18:28 (UTC)

1. apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.

2. some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet

3. not sure. no solid plans. just tanning nude.

4. it was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. and by that I mean it was nice.

5. he somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.

6. Text him!

1. Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.

2. They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.

3. Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?

4. Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.

5. But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.

6. it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.

7. Text him!

1. I just heard a crying baby from out my window and yelled SAME

2. I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death

3. I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises

4. I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do

5. Text him!

10/28/16

11/11/16

11/26/16

1/6/17