insideoflight | For padadin

[The journey back to Earth hadn't been an easy one. The lack of wormholes, constant Galra attacks, lack of help from the coalition who mostly thought them dead, and run down pilots and lions hadn't made for a smooth journey. It was almost a miracle they even made it back to their home planet. There was excitement among the paladins for being back on their home planet, yes, but it was undercut by the tension of a perhaps inevitable Galra invasion.

So maybe things weren't as perfect as Lance had hoped it'd be.

He'd gotten in contact with his family as soon as he could, at least, and that brought him some level of comfort. Until things were sorted with the Garrison, though, they were pretty much stuck here in the desert for now, so no reunions just yet.

That left Lance's focus back on Voltron. His team. And a certain boy--no, man now--who was back with them.

He had been trying to bury the feelings, sparks to all out wildfires, he'd had for Keith for some time now. And for a little while, it seemed like he'd finally gotten over him. Allura had his heart instead, even if it was one sided. But with him actually back and in close proximity, Lance was coming to realize that he was an idiot for thinking it'd ever go away that quickly.

It wasn't something he knew how to deal with. Sure, pining after the girl of the month was one thing. Pining after Allura, different, yes, but still. But pining after a boy, especially someone like Keith? It wasn't something Lance had truly had to face before and not just brush off as okay, just another crush. And it frustrated the hell out of him, because it wasn't like he had anyone he could just go to for advice about it. Heck, he shouldn't even need advice, he thought. He's an adult! His big bi crisis is over, right?

But he's still at such a damn loss.

It isn't until one campside chat that he realizes that maybe, just maybe, he does have someone he can go to for advice. The former Garrison cadets have been sharing some random stories from their past at the academy, and Shiro's mentioned a previous flight partner of his, Adam. The name rings a bell, but it isn't until after dinner that Lance remembers where he's heard that name.

Society in the world had thankfully progressed to a time where people didn't feel it was necessary to stay in the closet, even if they were well known. That the Garrison's golden boy, Takashi Shirogane, had a long term boyfriend was just another random bit of trivia. Albeit, it was a bit of trivia that Lance had always taken to heart. Because how cool was that? Not only was his hero a person of color, but he was queer like him, too. It was nice. It'd actually helped him a little come out of the closet himself to begin with.

Maybe he did have someone to go to about all of these messy boy feelings. But considering they were about Keith, he'd have to really, really keep that bit anonymous, considering the extremely close friendship between him and Shiro.

Lance waits for an evening where Shiro's in good health and good spirits to approach him in his tent after dinner, trying to calm his nerves.]

...Hey, Shiro, you in there?

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I have no idea where you got that idea. You're fine the way you are, Lance. You can be goofy and you also chase girls, but you don't have to be only that. You aren't.

[He doesn't know if he likes guys? So no Hunk, Shiro is gonna guess, or at least unlikely. This points to Keith, and oh boy, poor Lance. Shiro feels bad for reasons totally unrelated to sexuality. It adds a hard level bonus to this whole deal.]

Why isn't it an option? Expressing interest, I mean, no using your bad pick-up lines. [Sorry Lance (not).] Knowing someone's also into guys doesn't automatically mean they'll be into you. Sooner or later, the time will come where you have to decide if you want to know the answer, or just forget about it. It shouldn't be different from confessing to a girl.

I know, I know! But I'm still terrified. And he's so... [Lance flails his hands around.] I don't know what to do around him. I never do. And if I mess this up, I'm going to mess a whole lot up. I really, really, really like him, have for a really long time, and I don't want to forget it. But I also don't want to ruin things between us.

[He groans.]

And I've never really pursued a guy before. It's not like I can just get him a bouquet of flowers or something. I don't know how to pursue guys. I used to be afraid of getting beat up if I flirted with a straight guy.

[Cuba was...a little less progressive than America when it came to homosexuality, and the mindset had stuck with him even when he went to America for the Garrison.]

[Well, that confirms Keith then. A long time? So this was a thing back in the Garrison too? Go figure. Lance has been pulling Keith's pigtails all along. For a moment, Shiro considers telling Lance that Keith also likes guys, but maybe that information can wait a bit longer after all. You don't always have the privilege to have inside info in advance, so Lance should learn to deal with this kind of situation first.]

Lance. Listen to me. Forget about the flirting and the pick-up lines. Just be nice. Hang out and bond with him, make your relationship grow. Achieve that special connection. This isn't just about guys, but about dating in general.

I know, but what if he ends up getting creeped out by me and punching me or something if I told him I had feelings for him?

[Lance sighs and rubs his fingers against his temples.]

I don't think I have a chance with him, and it sucks. I've gotten rejected a lot in the past, but this...this is something completely different. I don't know if I can handle this kind of rejection.

He's not going to punch you, and I think you know him well enough by now to know that.

[And if he won't be creeped out either, but Shiro can't promise things won't be awkward either, so he doesn't comment on that.]

Lance, you don't have to confess now. Or ever, if you don't want to. But you don't know if you have a chance or not because you don't know what's going through his head. Please, consider what I said: build up a bond and see where it takes you. You don't have to feel defeated before you've even tried.

...alright. I really...do want to date him. I'll do what you said.

[He bites his lip again.]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you with all of this.

It's not a bother. I'm always here to lend an ear for my team. And if this works out, I bet it would do Keith some good.

[No point in hiding the name anymore. So yes, he approves of this potential relationship.]

[...Oh. Well then. Lance's face turns the slightest of pink shades.]

I guess I was ridiculously obvious about that, huh? ...Wait, just to make sure, I'm not obvious about it in general, am I?

[Oh, Lance, honey...]

I wouldn't call it obvious but you aren't exactly smooth either, Lance.

Pleeeeease tell me he's painfully oblivious at least.

[Because as much as he wants to date Keith, he doesn't want him already...freaked out or something. He doesn't know. This doesn't make any sense.]

I think so, but I make no promises. He hasn't mentioned it to me, at least.

[And we all know Keith isn't the best at noticing these things...]

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