Lance (
the_tailor) wrote in
insideoflight2018-07-20 04:55 pm
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For
padadin
[The journey back to Earth hadn't been an easy one. The lack of wormholes, constant Galra attacks, lack of help from the coalition who mostly thought them dead, and run down pilots and lions hadn't made for a smooth journey. It was almost a miracle they even made it back to their home planet. There was excitement among the paladins for being back on their home planet, yes, but it was undercut by the tension of a perhaps inevitable Galra invasion.
So maybe things weren't as perfect as Lance had hoped it'd be.
He'd gotten in contact with his family as soon as he could, at least, and that brought him some level of comfort. Until things were sorted with the Garrison, though, they were pretty much stuck here in the desert for now, so no reunions just yet.
That left Lance's focus back on Voltron. His team. And a certain boy--no, man now--who was back with them.
He had been trying to bury the feelings, sparks to all out wildfires, he'd had for Keith for some time now. And for a little while, it seemed like he'd finally gotten over him. Allura had his heart instead, even if it was one sided. But with him actually back and in close proximity, Lance was coming to realize that he was an idiot for thinking it'd ever go away that quickly.
It wasn't something he knew how to deal with. Sure, pining after the girl of the month was one thing. Pining after Allura, different, yes, but still. But pining after a boy, especially someone like Keith? It wasn't something Lance had truly had to face before and not just brush off as okay, just another crush. And it frustrated the hell out of him, because it wasn't like he had anyone he could just go to for advice about it. Heck, he shouldn't even need advice, he thought. He's an adult! His big bi crisis is over, right?
But he's still at such a damn loss.
It isn't until one campside chat that he realizes that maybe, just maybe, he does have someone he can go to for advice. The former Garrison cadets have been sharing some random stories from their past at the academy, and Shiro's mentioned a previous flight partner of his, Adam. The name rings a bell, but it isn't until after dinner that Lance remembers where he's heard that name.
Society in the world had thankfully progressed to a time where people didn't feel it was necessary to stay in the closet, even if they were well known. That the Garrison's golden boy, Takashi Shirogane, had a long term boyfriend was just another random bit of trivia. Albeit, it was a bit of trivia that Lance had always taken to heart. Because how cool was that? Not only was his hero a person of color, but he was queer like him, too. It was nice. It'd actually helped him a little come out of the closet himself to begin with.
Maybe he did have someone to go to about all of these messy boy feelings. But considering they were about Keith, he'd have to really, really keep that bit anonymous, considering the extremely close friendship between him and Shiro.
Lance waits for an evening where Shiro's in good health and good spirits to approach him in his tent after dinner, trying to calm his nerves.]
...Hey, Shiro, you in there?
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They're wonderful, and he cries while he talks to them. He's dying to hug them asap, but they need to solve the situation with the Garrison first before flying around Earth... at least it means he doesn't have to see certain people again, like Iverson, and other assholes that thought he couldn't do it because of his illness, and... him
Better not think about it now.
He's in his tent now, meditating and trying to enjoy the smells of Earth when Lance arrives. His voice is soft when he answers.]
Yes, buddy, come in.
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You're looking pretty peaceful there. How are you feeling?
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Hanging in here. It's good to be back, smelling Earth alone is already comforting. And you? Was the talk with your family good?
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[You don't say you were a slave over the phone...]
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[They've already thought he died once. No need to tell them he actually did at some point.]
Anyway, uhhh...
[...Quiznak. How the hell is he even supposed to bring this up?]
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But huh? That's some reaction there. Uh-oh, Shiro's expression starts showing worry.]
Lance? Is there anything wrong?
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[He hadn't realized how awkward this might get. Maybe it was time to just abort? But no, Shiro already knows something's up.]
I totally understand if it's something you don't want to discuss, but I just sort of kind of needed some advice on stuff.
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Lance, you can talk to me about anything. I'll do my best to help, but I make no promises. What happened?
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[He shifts a little nervously. Really, he should have figured out what he was going to say before he walked in.]
This sounds really stupid. But, um. Okay, it's no secret that I was kind of a fanboy of you when I was a kid.
[To say the very least.]
So I knew a lot of trivia bits about you. And one was that you had a boyfriend. So I know you've got some experience with guys, and uh... Okay, so the thing is is that... I...could sort of use some advice on the matter.
[Lance scratches the back of his head, not quite making eye contact.]
I completely understand if it's something you don't want to talk about. I'm just kind of going through some things and I'm really lost and I don't know who else to go to.
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Ah.
Something in his chest aches at the memory of Adam and how they ended. Honestly? No, he doesn't want to talk about it. But he sees where this is going, and understands what Lance needs. Guidance, support, someone to rely on. And Shiro wouldn't never deny that anyone, but especially not to his team.
So he'll try to talk about it without going into much detail. He can help without going extra personal on this.]
You're right, I used to have a boyfriend. I'm bisexual. I never hid it, because it's not something to be ashamed of. But I know it can be hard and confusing to understand those feelings. [He tilts his head a bit.] Do you want to tell me about those thins you're going through?
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[He blinks. Well, he wasn't sure if Shiro was gay or bisexual, but this actually makes things even more relevant to him.]
Um, well. It's, well, I'm... I'm bisexual too. Hunk knows, but I've never come out to the team. No real point in it, I guess, and everyone just saw me as a girl chaser so I figured I'd just...I don't know, play along with everyone's perception of me. But now I'm really running into a problem.
[He drums his fingers against his leg.]
I...like a boy. And it's not the first time I've liked a boy, but I've never really acted on those feelings before because I was afraid. Still am, I guess. And I don't know what to do.
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Lance, you don't have to tell the team about your sexuality if you don't want to - that's yours and only yours. If you want to share, we'll be there for you, and if you don't, that's also okay. But please don't feel like you have to play along anything. You just have to be yourself.
[But ok, now the other things are out in the open, what comes next Shiro does expect. A boy, huh? So it's either Hunk or Keith. Total opposites, but both good fits for Lance.]
Liking a boy isn't a problem. Being nervous about what to do with your feelings is, regardless of who you like. And that's natural. Lance, if this person was a girl, what would you do with those feelings?
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[But that's a whole other problem in its own.]
If it was a girl? Well. I mean, I might try some of my world famous pickup lines. Maybe. I don't know. They usually don't actually work. I'd be a lot more open with flirting with them, at least, like how I flirted with Allura. Not in a creepy way, just in a hey, I think you're beautiful and I'm attracted to you kind of way. But that's not really an option here. Heck, I don't even know if he likes guys!
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[He doesn't know if he likes guys? So no Hunk, Shiro is gonna guess, or at least unlikely. This points to Keith, and oh boy, poor Lance. Shiro feels bad for reasons totally unrelated to sexuality. It adds a hard level bonus to this whole deal.]
Why isn't it an option? Expressing interest, I mean, no using your bad pick-up lines. [Sorry Lance (not).] Knowing someone's also into guys doesn't automatically mean they'll be into you. Sooner or later, the time will come where you have to decide if you want to know the answer, or just forget about it. It shouldn't be different from confessing to a girl.
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[He groans.]
And I've never really pursued a guy before. It's not like I can just get him a bouquet of flowers or something. I don't know how to pursue guys. I used to be afraid of getting beat up if I flirted with a straight guy.
[Cuba was...a little less progressive than America when it came to homosexuality, and the mindset had stuck with him even when he went to America for the Garrison.]
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Lance. Listen to me. Forget about the flirting and the pick-up lines. Just be nice. Hang out and bond with him, make your relationship grow. Achieve that special connection. This isn't just about guys, but about dating in general.
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[Lance sighs and rubs his fingers against his temples.]
I don't think I have a chance with him, and it sucks. I've gotten rejected a lot in the past, but this...this is something completely different. I don't know if I can handle this kind of rejection.
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[And if he won't be creeped out either, but Shiro can't promise things won't be awkward either, so he doesn't comment on that.]
Lance, you don't have to confess now. Or ever, if you don't want to. But you don't know if you have a chance or not because you don't know what's going through his head. Please, consider what I said: build up a bond and see where it takes you. You don't have to feel defeated before you've even tried.
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[He bites his lip again.]
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you with all of this.
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[No point in hiding the name anymore. So yes, he approves of this potential relationship.]
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I guess I was ridiculously obvious about that, huh? ...Wait, just to make sure, I'm not obvious about it in general, am I?
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I wouldn't call it obvious but you aren't exactly smooth either, Lance.
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[Because as much as he wants to date Keith, he doesn't want him already...freaked out or something. He doesn't know. This doesn't make any sense.]
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[And we all know Keith isn't the best at noticing these things...]