insideoflight | (no subject)

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[Exhaustion is hardly anything new for Naltryd. The moment she decided to become an adventurer, she knew that life ahead of her wasn't going to be easy, filled with hard knocks and barriers to overcome. Granted, those many years ago, she hadn't an idea that adventuring would lead to her at the very edge of the universe, fighting to save her world--nay, every world. Her exponentially growing adventures over time had lead to no small amount of injuries and near death experiences, though none had come quite as close to this one. Had that teleporter not appeared out of thin air, she knows she would have died alongside Zenos.

(The thought scares her less than she would have expected, but she's grateful to be alive nonetheless.)

Her friends and the healers in Sharlayan alike have done what they can for her, fixing up the most grievous of wounds, but even magic can only heal so much. The rest is up to her own body and time. It was difficult enough being bedridden for several days, and she's still only allowed outside of the Annex for stints at a time as she recovers (she's pretty sure the combined will of Alisae and G'raha will keep her from even accidentally stubbing a toe). Still, there's plenty of people coming and going to see her and keep her company, at least.

The person she wishes to talk to most, however, is still asleep. Not as if she knows exactly what she wants to say, granted.

Emet-Selch is the last to have awoken, though her worries have been lessened by Hythlodaeus' insistence that he's perfectly fine, just needs to sleep a little. Still, there's uncertainty there, as she doesn't know where this road is going to lead exactly. She doesn't know where the first step is going to fall.

And so she sits there at his bedside, still-healing bruises and scrapes across the skin of hers that isn't still bandaged, thumbing through a book. It's difficult to focus; she's not sure if she can recall exactly what she read on the previous page, and her eyes keep flickering over to the sleeping Ancient in the bed beside her.]

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Had I been setting myself up for rejection, I would have been far more direct about recognizing your soul.

[He huffs and shrugs. It was a stressful time for him, but...he doesn't regret all of it.]

I'll admit, at first I was trying to discourage myself from growing too attached...but much of it was that I held some hope of sparking any sort of recognition. Had I known simply holding your crystal would do as much, I'd have left it for you to find much earlier.

[ Hythlodaeus makes a face, his voice soothing. ]

Realizing parts of what had been after you lost what was... that must have been hard. All of you matters, even the parts that hurt.

[ That applies to both of them.

But, another hum. With genuine curiosity, ]

Had any shard you had encountered through the years shown recognition?

Hm. I could only wonder what might have happened...but it wouldn't do to put too much thought.

[Hythlodaeus' question does make her curious, though.]

On occasion, though never with any specificity. Some would find senses of familiarity or other emotions they couldn't explain. An impactful enough event can imprint itself upon the soul so deeply that even the Lifestream cannot fully wash them away...the most common example being the shared trauma of the Final Days.

[A pause, and an uncomfortable glance to the side.]

Well. There have been...some exceptions to not recalling any specifics, just not among those whose souls I personally recognized.

[ The first part is familiar to him, mostly on a theoretical level, and he nods along with the response, but then the addition comes, and he narrows his eyes - while not tensing or shifting to alter the cuddle.

... ]

Exceptions?

[ He wonders if that would have been Fandaniel.

Hermes - he considered a friend, once upon a time. Close collaborator, certainly. But with what he now remembers, and what he remembers of the last moments on the moon... it sounded like specifics imprinted on the man's soul so very deeply. ]

[She tilts her head in curiosity as well, though doesn't say anything. She can sense the tension in Hades, and will let him dodge the question if he wishes, but...]

...The Galvus family. I know not if it was the case for a certain individual whose name shall not sully this day, but I recall several of them complaining of nightmares featuring a city that sounded remarkably like Amaurot.

Oh...

[ ... rather different from where his mind went, then, and Hythlodaeus blinks, reining it in, turning his head to press a lingering kiss against Hades's hairline. ]

You worried?

Ah. I see...

[He brow furrows momentarily as she thinks about it. An interesting add to the mix, for sure...and yet something she doesn't find particularly surprising. Though there's no way to confirm, she does have her suspicions.

Either or, she leans in, placing a kiss to Hades' cheek.]

I would more say I was perplexed. [Because he's not ready to admit how much he cared, for a couple decades there.] They were not the first mortal children I've sired, and yet, they were the first to show marked differences from their peers.

[ Hythlodaeus takes a breath to ask for more about those, because Hades' lifetimes, his families, absolutely fascinate him, in an adoring and doting way - but then makes a note to ask another time.

And no, he doesn't argue the 'perplexed' correction, but he doesn't exactly buy it, either. They must have been truly remarkable, to have so much of Hades, but the way he misguided them must not be something easily swallowed.

He does smile at her for adding to the kissing of Hades. It will ever be better when he knows he has the support of both of them. ]

Mm. So yes, I see why you thought there may have been insights, but it was as it was... now we are here. How are you feeling, my darling? Would you like something to drink?

[ He tilts his head towards where he has prepared water and tea nearby, to indicate he's not going to be leaving the embrace to get her that. But after all the tears, she can probably use some. ]

Oh! Ah... Yes. I would, thank you.

[She goes to take a cup of water, downing it rather quickly. Even if her head isn't spinning as much, getting those memories and identity back has taken a lot out of her both physically and mentally.]

You've always taken such good care of me, of us... I think...part of me always felt guilty that duty kept me away so much that I couldn't do the same as often as I wanted.

And now it matters naught that I couldn't spark that recognition back then.

[He smiles, and a snap of his fingers brings a cup of tea to his own hands. He's not feeling particularly inclined to move, himself.]

Just like now, there is naught to keep us apart. Even should you be called away, neither of us have responsibilities that will prevent us from following.

[ Hythlodaeus smiles at both of them hydrating, it's a good thing, and just settles more comfortably around them...

... then blinks. ]

Please, do not on my account. There were things that only you could do, that you had to do - and the thought of asking you to stay against all the world that beckoned, that needed you, just feels wrong. Each of us took care of the others, in our own way. You two could do things so, so far beyond what I could, and it was only fair that I help out in the ways that I can.

But... yes. It will be very nice to be able to join you, now.

Oh, Hyth... What you did was important as well, and you were no less important for it. I was always proud.

[A small smile, and she kisses his cheek.]

You're no less special, and now that I have more of an opportunity to show you that, I will take it.

My sweet Hythlodaeus...

[He kisses Hythlodaeus' other cheek.]

Even now, you value yourself so little? Do you not think I felt your absence keenly, these long eons?

Oh, it-- oh, you two.

[ His arms tighten a little, and he returns both cheek-kisses, his eyes bright and maybe the tips of his ears a little red. ]

I did not mean it as valuing myself little - I did not! And I know you did feel it - I do. [ Which is why he's not removing himself from Hades's side further than his Sight can easily reach in the foreseeable future, among other things. ] It was simply pointing out what is true - we each of us did what we needed to do, and there is no reason to feel guilty about it. Truly, seeing you both happy has ever brought me happiness, in turn. That is all that I meant!

It won't stop me from pointing it out nonetheless, you know.

[This time, his forehead gets a kiss.]

You implied your own contributions were less valuable than ours. You might lack raw power, but you have many invaluable skills. It took me many centuries to learn to manage things I once relied upon you for.

[He brushes a finger through Hythlodaeus' bangs, as he turns his head to give Naltryd a kiss on the cheek for good measure.]

Edited 2022-05-06 00:51 (UTC)

[ Close as they are, they can both feel his breath catch, his body shiver just once, before he hums slightly and tightens his arm around Naltryd even as he buries his face in Hades's shoulder.

(He's sorry. He's so, so sorry.)

(But even after centuries, Hades learned to make do without him, because he never needed Hythlodaeus, neither of them did, they were just used to him.)

(He's...)

He swallows. ]

I am right here, and I am not going anywhere.

Good. ...good. I'm not letting either of you go, not again, never again.

[She takes a deep breath, just letting herself bask in their presence.]

Nor I you, either of you.

[He sets his teacup on the floor so he can pull both of them closer to him again.]

The thought of this reunion...it was what anchored me to myself, no matter how many faces and roles I took.

[ Now he breathes more easily, and his head comes back up, a sunny smile in his eyes as he looks on both of them.

(He was still of use, and that's good.) ]

And this reunion we have, made possible by how well you two did. Thank you, both of you, my brave and brilliant beloveds.

Heh, who wouldn't want to help you, hmm? Far be it for me to resist! This, with you, is exactly where I want to be.

[ Perhaps not how any of them imagined it, but it's the truth. The chuckle is also a real one, his mood bouncing back up without missing a beat. ]

Thanks to you as well. I couldn't have done it alone, not without the both of you.

[A deep breath, and she smiles back.]

Though, Hythlodaeus, you wouldn't recall all you've done. You may not have been able to help personally, but...making my shade of you so true to life meant I could rely upon it to act as you would, even in ways I might not have even been able to consider whilst under Zodiark's control. I can say with confidence that I don't regret leaving things to your judgment.